Today is the day it all begins and the words of this song have humbly brought me to my knees!
For those of you that have been waiting in suspense, we have a diagnosis. Everything seems to be pointing towards Breast Cancer, although, I feel like GOD is doing something bigger than anyone can comprehend. We've waited so long and have had scan after scan and still it seems like everything is a bit confusing. This has appeared out of nowhere and nobody can seem to find where the site of origin is? If you ask me, it has come from the Lord and Lord willing he will take it away! One of the pathology reports came in from Mayo Clinic and their diagnosis comments were "These were very interesting and challenging slides. Due to the age of the patient, we tried to further evaluate the possibilities of this high-grade malignant neoplasm. We are unable to provide a definitive site of origin for this lesion. The tumor that is the most suggested would be of breast origin, however, lung and upper GI would also be considerations. If the site of origin for this tumor becomes apparent, we would appreciate the follow-up information." Hmmm seems like this tumor has everyone scratching their heads!
The next step…
The Oncologist will begin treating it as breast cancer. This Saturday I am scheduled to have a port put in my chest and my first treatment of Chemo will begin on Monday. Chemo will be once a week, every other week for 12 treatments (24 weeks) and when that is complete we will discuss possible surgery, if needed. As long as we have waited for an answer it seems like things are happening SO quickly. Honestly, it's not that I am scared, but I feel like I am not ready for all of this and it's just hard to believe that it is actually happening. I realize, as a mother who is always in control of everything, now is the time to give GOD everything and know that HE is in CONTROL.
We would like you to know that we appreciate your constant prayers and encouragement. We ask that you continue to lift our family up to the Lord in prayer as we begin this long and challenging journey. We will be sitting down with our 5 year old daughter, Mia, this weekend to explain a little to her on what has been going on and what might be ahead of us. Please pray that God would prepare her heart and give her HIS utmost peace and strength.
I would also like to share that in preparation for what may come I have decided to start with a fresh new look. Round One - The Rock Star.
We would like to thank you for all of your encouraging words as we continue to wait for answers. It has been exactly 20 long days since my surgery and our lives were completely turned around. In the past two weeks I have had to go back and forth to the hospital for multiple scans and they still haven't determined what caused this cancerous mass. We are now waiting on the results from my biopsy, which has been sent out to two different labs for further testing. Although this waiting has seemed like a lifetime and at times like the weight of the world is on our shoulders, I have to remind myself that GOD already knows the results, HE already has a diagnosis and HE already knows the outcome. So am I going to be still and trust that GODS ways are perfect, that HIS promises prove true, that HE is a shield for all who look to HIM for protection, or am I going to worry about tomorrow? As we continue to wait for GOD to reveal our results to the Doctors, HE will continue to reveal HIS promises to us, day by day.
God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. Psalms 18:30 (NLT)
It all started before Christmas. I had woken up with some tenderness and what felt like a bruise. With a little self examination I realized something wasn't right. I thought to myself, is this a lump or am I just being dramatic. For the next few days I kept it to myself, not wanting to startle my family. I had hoped that this unknown lump would just go away. As the days turned to weeks it slowly moved and took up residency in my right axillary lymph nodes (armpit). I had finally discussed it with my family and scheduled an appointment with my doctor. At first we were all assuming it was caused by some sort of infection in my body, but there were no symptoms of any infection at all? Other than the irritating bulge coming from my armpit, I felt perfectly fine. Yes, I had developed some night sweats, and I was a little tired, but when you're raising two rambunctious children, who isn't tired? My doctor scheduled an ultrasound of the area, which led to an appointment with a General Surgeon, which then led to the removal of something He said was of concern. Never in my entire life would I have believed this would be unfolding before me! I had prayed and prayed all along that God would allow it to be a simple infection that an over the counter antibiotic would clear right up. As I continue to pray and seek God for answers HE has clearly been teaching me to WAIT on the LORD....patiently wait. We still do not have exact answers as to where this foreign mass has originated, but what we do know is...it is CANCEROUS.
I will wait patiently for the LORD to help me, he will turn to me and hear my cry. He will lift me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He will set my feet on solid ground and steady me as I walk along. He will give me a new song to sing, a hymn of PRAISE to my GOD. MANY will see what HE has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-5